In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
