Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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