Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
