He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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