I wish I could punch you in the face.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.