doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...