Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
