yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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