you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize