I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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