Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.