This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.