Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction