woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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