I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it