Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.