You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.