Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?