oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.