I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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