Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize