1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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