I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
