My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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