I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
