I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
