Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
