I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila