My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?