Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.