Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis