yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......