the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.