Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow