I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize