She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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