"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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