seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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