Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize