Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
