Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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