Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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