Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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