I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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