Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?