if i can run in heels then i can drive
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.