I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet