We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days