haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?