Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
