You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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