And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
