If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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