And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'