I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful