just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.