I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
