apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
