So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
