my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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