I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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