After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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