i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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