I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
