and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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