Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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