U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ttyl tear gas
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
