he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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